I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
