Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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