there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
