I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
