sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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