I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
