What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
