was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
