remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
