be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
