I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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