Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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