We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
