and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
