I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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