I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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