he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
