I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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