yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
