Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
