He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
