I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
