dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We need to get me chipped asap
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
