hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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