Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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