You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
