party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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