its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
