I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how can u be prego again
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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