If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
