Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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