Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
