seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
bring money and cleavage
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
