I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
True strength comes from lack of pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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