just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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