She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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