I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
