Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's JV to your varsity
Do you still have your period?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
