If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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