get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
