I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
