1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
