i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
