He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
