I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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