Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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