Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
