My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
not ubering you a puppy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
