WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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