At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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